crisis of confidence


There have been few of these during this part. The projects have demanded use of mixed media, and experimentation of new backgrounds, though perhaps most daunting of all – finished drawings.

The oca student website and forum helps and yet doesn’t help. There are fellow students struggling with just the same issues, and there are students giving nuggets of very decent advice on the forum. But there is also extraordinary work highlighted by the oca – examples of sketchbooks, processes from students who have a masterful command of their media, seemingly knowing exactly what to choose and how to apply it. I actively seek these out on the website – I love to look at them, and yes, they are inspirational – but they also fill me with a lingering doubt. I look at what I’m producing and it is stiff, controlled, and lacking in fluidity.

I wonder what I am doing, coming in to this with a not very good Art O-Level from yonks ago and youtube as my tutor.  I have however signed up for art classes locally, with two different teachers, and I hope that the combined four hours a week will go some way to helping but my overall feeling (today) is that the pace of this course is too fast for me to really learn.

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